Need? Desire? Looking for attention in all the wrong places?

The question becomes, why blog? Before we left for our first trip to Kaz, our agency asked us if we were going to do a blog....blank stare (yes, it's possible through email to communicate complete ignorance of a subject matter without actually saying anything) to which I answered "no" and all kinds of excuses, too busy with work, not enough time to set one up, yada, yada, yada. End of subject and obvious that I knew nothing about this.

When I was a young girl I kept a diary or two as I grew older. Needless to say, they contained all kinds of special and mundane things like who I liked or my big dream (insert desire to be Olympic Horse Jumper). I have always been better able to communicate with the written word than through conversing. Something is usually lost in that trip from my brain to my mouth. I will not go into how this affects my everyday occupation!

Anyhow, after discovering adoption blogs, I was hooked on following people (now I know the term is lurking) through their journeys. Why? Validate my own feelings and journey? Compare the progress and trials? I'm not sure really although those things have certainly occurred. I find it a little sad that while Kaz is closed there are no new journeys to follow, no new reveals, no new pictures of back of heads, feet, hands, or surreptitious references to present and future names. Hopefully these will return. I was a little more obsessed (not stalking obsessed but maybe overly interested) with travelers who went to the same baby house right after we did to see who was adopted. Fortunately there were a few and one special guy in particular I would have taken home with me was one of those lucky few to come home.

Back to subject at hand. I have read "blogs" for my professional life and find them anything but interesting on subject matter but a wonderful use of work time when I really don't feel like doing anything and still need to be "at" and "do" work. Of course, my employer has restricted access to many sites but there are those which are interesting in a geeky sort of way and actually provide some modicum of knowledge to which I can proclaim a productive use of time. BUT....the question remains. Why blog?

Really, I think it is just a way to continue the conversation that goes on in my head all the time to no one and everyone at the same time without having to really talk out loud. Maybe someone is interested in what I way. Maybe I do have a need to know that someone, somewhere, sometime, somehow, is interested in my story. I dunno. Which is what my son says quite often even at the age of 20m - where do they learn this stuff?

Oh, and what happened to those diaries from long long ago? Well, they got read by an "ex" before he became and "ex" and I was so mad I destroyed them. However, I have no regrets. I'm pretty sure if it's important for my son to know something I did or wanted when I was a kid I will tell him and if it's a total lie he will never know.

Explanation

After looking up "mamu mamu" I figured a little explanation is needed. For some reason my 19 1/2 month old toddler - forever known as Hoot (who talks only when he really wants to but we know he can say many many more things than he does and that is a separate subject) can and does say Daddy - a lot.

Hoot, however, has not ever said "Mommy." He has said "Mama" on one occassion which was in fact the first time he ever associated the word specifically with me and said it rather absent mindedly as a form of out loud recognition. Hoot prefers to say "Mamu Mamu" when he wants me to do something or has a need for something. The need ranges from food, comforting, inquiry, just about anything and I get a rather pitiful, wishful, drawn out "Mamu mamu."

Of course, when the term is not an established word for an identified object, spelling becomes optional. For some reason, "mammoo mammoo" seems to much like muumuu. Besides, we are still learning our vowels and "EIEIO" doesn't introduce a "U" anywhere so let's not go overboard and just keep it simple.